Welcome to the Mentor 4 Moms Podcast!
Let’s talk today about drama, conflict, fighting, tension. All of it.
Let me be up front. This is completely normal. You can’t have two people in relationship with one another, let alone live together, and there not be conflict.
It happens in my marriage, with my kids, with my family, with my friends. It happens.
That’s why I want to share with you some information that I found interesting. We’re gonna talk about – The Drama Triangle. First, let’s establish a definition for drama:
Drama is a completely avoidable and unhealthy pattern of engaging in a disagreement or conflict.
The Drama triangle identifies three roles that are involved in any drama.
Role #1- The Victim. This is the role that sets the drama in motion. Their defining statement is, “Poor me.” or “It’s not fair.”
Role #2 – The Persecutor. This is who is ‘in charge’. The one who holds the power position in the exchange by controlling who speaks and when and for how long. Their defining statement is “It’s your fault, not mine”. They deny their power and also don’t take responsibility.
Role #3- The Rescuer. A rescuer is someone who validates the feelings of the Victim. Their defining statement is “You need my help.” or “Let me help you.”
To deal with drama we must exit the triangle.
- The Victim must shift into a place of personal responsibility and must be willing to not complain or make someone else wrong.
- The Persecutor must be willing to listen and must release the need to be in charge
- The Rescuer must be willing to release their need to ‘fix’ or ‘to help’ and must set healthy boundaries and empower others instead of getting in the middle.
Our ultimate goal is not to avoid conflict, that’s an impossible idea anyway. Our goal should be to engage in conflict without the unhealthy patterns that lead to brokenness and disconnect in our relationships.
So how? How do we do we deal with drama and it’s destructive patterns
- We acknowledge when conflict is crossing into an unhealthy direction.
- Resist the invitation to one of the 3 roles.
- Choose a healthy pattern or teach one to your children when they need it.
Conflict does not have to cause hurt. Be intentional to create healthy connections in your relationships.
It’s important to note, You cannot deal with the The Drama Triangle from within.
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