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Note: The picture above shows only (1) of the decks you get in the Intentional Parent Card set. The other deck is “Questions Intentional Parents Ask Their Kids”

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This episode is from a live recording of a workshop I did in Houston earlier this year (2018). The Ten Questions provide an opportunity for you to create a connection with your children and give them uninterrupted time to share their hearts.

As parents, we don’t realize how often we interrupt our children. Giving them the space to be uninterrupted will change the things they actually say to you. These one on ones are intentional, listening to what’s on our children’s hearts and minds. This is a listening time.

Context: one thing the corporate entities have in place is the concept of a one-on-one or feedback session. This provides an opportunity to sit down with your direct manager and get feedback on how you’re doing on the job –  how you’re really doing vs. how you think you’re doing.

What if we did something like that within our homes? What would happen if we gave our children the opportunity to give us feedback on our relationship,  on how it’s really doing vs. how we think we’re doing?

Often we don’t find out how we’re really doing with our children until those teen years when they begin to give us feedback in ways that aren’t quite so pleasant. This tool is a one-on-one feedback session I encourage you to do every year with your children.

I have been doing this for 13 and 15 years with our children. – typically at the beginning of the school year. It’s a gentle way of creating a relationship connection that will influence the way I deal with each child during day-to-day family life.

Dos and Don’t’s for the Ten Questions

DO:

• Plan your time with your child. Make a date. Make an appointment. Keep It!
• Go to a place where you will not be interrupted.
• Take notes. You are meeting with one of the most important people in the world and what they’re saying is worth taking note of.

DON’T

• Don’t be afraid of silence. Silence is a gift in this session. Give them the space to answer the question.
• Do not use this time to correct or discipline your children. The safety and vulnerability will disappear if you jump in to correct on the spot.
• Do not share the information they share with you outside of your marriage with anyone else. Value and treasure that they trusted you enough to share.
• Don’t take what they say as Truth (capital T). It is their truth (little t), what is true for them in their context and their understanding. Listen for the heart but don’t take it on as being completely true of who you are.

Challenges:

What if they won’t answer my questions? Let that be OK. Ask this bonus question: “I’d love for you to tell me what’s happening between us that we can’t talk.”

Interruption from siblings. Stress that each one will get their turn.

When did you start this: as young as four – you know your children.

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