Have you ever found yourself scrolling through a friends Instagram photos or Facebook wall looking at her posts and finding yourself feeling worse and worse about your own life?
It’s not that her posts are sad or that she’s sharing anything that would naturally cause this feeling, in fact it’s just the opposite. Her posts are cheerful, upbeat, and chock full of the many ways she and her family are enjoying life.
But when you look around your house and you look at your family, winning is not the first word to come to mind.
What just happened?
A nasty seed has taken root and is bearing fruit in your heart and mind.
The seed of comparison.
The message is subtle yet profound, my life is not like her life, so I must be doing something wrong.
I should be more…. and we fill in the blank with all kinds of demands and pressure on ourselves.
- I should be more creative.
- I should be more organized.
- I should be more fun.
- I should be more fit and in shape.
It’s a natural tendency for all of us.
Comparison is a knee-jerk reaction. It’s a thought habit we can all fall into from time to time.
What if instead, you looked at your friends or other moms as making intentional decisions based on their natural God-given strengths?
What if instead of comparing your results to theirs, instead you chose to feel inspired by them and started using that inspiration to create amazing results in your own life?
This is a part of the reason I am a Mentor4Moms.
I believe that every mom should be celebrated for the unique way that she brings grace, beauty, power, strength, order, and fun to this world.
In my family, arts and crafts might be fun, but the truth is I’m not crafty. I willingly allow glitter and paint for my kids when they want to play, but it is not a natural go to activity for me, when I plan things for us to do together.
So if I compare my life to that of a mom who is crafty, it would always lead me to feel like I was a loser. We all have different ways we show up as “good moms” in our families and each of those methods create different results.
One mom’s uniqueness will create a completely different experience in another moms home.
What’s really important is that each mom’s uniqueness is unique for HER family. What works for her, won’t work for you. What works for my best friend’s family won’t necessarily work for mine. What works for a family in France won’t always work for my family here in Texas.
And that’s okay.
Our wins will look different. Plenty of parenting advice will try to offer a one-size-fits-all approach. But the truth is, there is no one solution.
However, there is an effective way for each of our families, and that involves being unique or different in some way. Your plans for your family should be dictated by what you are uniquely designed to create combined with what you want for your family.
Understanding the connection between your core values and the goals within your family, will keep you continually moving forward without burdensome comparison and mommy guilt.
Instead of making decisions or plans when you are distracted by looking at another family, instead choose to make intentional decisions that reflect your family’s needs and values.
The next time you see a friend or another mom and you’re tempted to compare your life to theirs, make a shift. Shift from comparison to inspiration.
Ask yourself these questions:
- What is it that I admire about her?
- How can this inspiration help me to meet the needs of my own family?
